Reviews

[Kitty279]

Prologue:

Just started reading and find the beginning interesting. It's not so frequently used that higher powers send the books, instead of someone from the future. Hopefully, that will make sure that Moldyshorts doesn't escape any more.

[Kitty279]

Eye of the Snake

When the chapter is too long for one post, why do you not just post the second half as reply to the first part? Then everything is in one place.

“That’s true, but Parvati is right when she says Hagrid gets overexcited about things that are a bit, dangerous,” said Terry gently, as Ernie nodded to Hagrid to read, in hopes of avoiding a row.

Um ... I'm pretty sure Hagrid wasn't reading with them. You might want to look that over?

Ha, yes, let's feed Umbitch to the Thestrals! She'd make a nice snack for them. And I like the reactions to her turning up and harrassing Hagrid. He certainly loves his dangerous creatures a bit too much and has no concept what is appropriate for the students, but he's such a gentle soul and would never harm anyone willingly.

Wow, they actually got through to Hermione about the house-elves? Amazing! I always had the impression that she brushed different opinions off as people just not wanting to give this help up. Maybe she can actually learn

Poor Harry. To read the parts about Cho is embarrassing enough under normal circumstances, but with Cho there? I'm curious how they are going to react to that date ...

[Kitty279]

St. Mungos

“Daddy says Dumbledore is a man of many theories, but few direct answers,” said Luna dreamily.

Quite well put! He certainly avoids to answers question at all costs, so he's the only one to have the whole picture ...

Really want to see that talk between the Weasleys and can't wait for Percy to find out about the Blood Quill detentions. Should turn his look at Fudge and Umbitch nicely upside down!

*snicker* A Slytherin walking in on Penny and Percy? I'd have loved to see that!

Hm, it's weird when Hermione thinks they shouldn't force ARthur to relive that by talking about it. Isn't she the one who always wants to know everything and who later on kept trying to talk about Sirius, no matter if Harry wanted to or not?

Well, Percy has a strange way to explain important matters. His letter may have been meant as a warning, but I admittedly saw it only as an insult, and obviously, Ron did the same. Did Percy actually believe his brother would see beyond all the insults to Harry? How naive!

[Kitty279]

Christmas on the Closed Ward

Poor Harry. As they didn't read the first books and neither the first two chapters of this one, the others wouldn't know how he grew up and why he has these self-esteem issues and seeks the blame with himself every time. It's not helping that the adults keep him in the dark at all costs. Not going to be easy for him - and it makes me a bit uncomfortable when the others laugh about it.

Needless to say, I am with Harry about trusting Dumbledore. In the end, the man set him up to sacrifice himself, after all, because he couldn't be bothered to find a different solution for the Horcrux. Never understood how Harry named his son for him ...

Hermione meant well, but she doesn't go about it in the most tactful way, does she? It was a part of the book I never really liked, because I was annoyed that no one of the adults bothered to take care of Harry properly, but left him alone and the problem up to his friends.

Oh, I see you have already done what I suggested earlier about posting the rest of the chapter as reply. Good.

Agree about the homework planner. A normal one, ok, but one that berates them all the time? Not what *I* would give my best friends!

Ha, you mean Parvati and Lavender are finally cured of their Lockhart-crush? ;D

“Huh, oh uh, sure,” said Neville, getting up and walking away with Neville.

Should be Harry at the end.

You got the feelings of Neville and the others at the revelation about his parents rather well, I think. And I was glad they shared my feeling about how Augusta treats her grandson. It always annoys me. In they end, they were really nice to Neville.

[G. Novella]

I'm such an idiot. I never check the reviews for anything,

Mostly it's because I'm reading all the posts in the General Board.

Argh, typos. I make so many of them while writing. I've been trying to go back and catch them, but the first couple of chapters I was being lazy and just uploading them when I finished a generic look through.


As for getting through to Hermione, that's a blip for now. I think she just tormented Gryffindors with her campaign, and that's why she never had anyone really oppose her because the Gryffindors are just used to her madness. The other houses probably aren't. She's docile now, but she'll go back with more arguments later, after consulting her age old book friend.

Percy's a fun character to write. Partially because he's so uptight and proper that when his world spins he reacts so funnily.

Flint's even more fun to write, because he's got this devil may care attitude I enjoy.

As for Hermione, she tends to have a double standard. Her friends get one treatment, the adults another. Besides, she already knows how things went over for Arthur thanks to Harry, so her curiosity part is sated. She never directly confronts Harry either, it takes her a few roundabouts before she does.

Percy tends to remind me a little of an idiot. He makes all these things clear in his own head that he can't see why others don't get it, (like Hermione). Not to mention the lack of time he spends with his family makes it even harder for him to communicate. I got the idea of it being warnings though from another fanfic, and I rather liked it.

They laugh because they don't get it, a typical teenager response to the issue. They have yet to grow up, and Harry has yet to snap at them.

Harry's trust in Dumbledore will fall, just wait until DH (*giggles maniacally*)

And that part bugged me that it took Hermione to get Harry to open up. Why wait for Hermione was my question the entire time. I was surprised Sirius never confronted him either, since the man understands the gloominess best, or even Ron, who was there when Harry's world shattered.

Parvati and Lavender are fun to write as well, they're so girly and at the same time, Gryffindor, that I have fun fleshing them out. Particularly when one of them begins to collide her views with Hermione.

And thank you! I wanted someone to call Augusta out on it, and be assured, while I do like Augusta, I want all the characters to have different views on everything. So she'll be bashed a bit, and defended a bit as well.

[Kitty279]

LOL, that answers my question if you even noticed them Seeing that I spend way too much time on the general board myself, I can't even blame you. You know what they say about glasshouses and throwing stones

IMO your own texts are usually the last ones where you notice mistakes. I've noticed that I find them easier in other people's texts than in my own, as I just don't read mine with the same attention - I know them already, after all!

Oh, ok, now my world is right again. Hermione caving in about elves so fast would really be a bit out of character, after all! All in all, I agree on her. And on Percy - he really thinks his ideal world up where everything is perfectly organised, labelled and handled, and then is surprised that others don't agree with it because he treats Fudge's words as law, which they aren't. Can't wait for him to find out that his adored Minister is getting paid by Voldemort's lieutenant to look the other way.

Harry snapping at the others about certain things or his trust in Dumbledore falling sounds good to me. Yeah, our dear headmaster won't like the last book, and I suspect some of the others won't be too happy with him, either. Not that I am going to complain, lol. You know what I think about him, right?

Yeah, had expected Sirius to do it, and wondered if he didn't realise how much Harry needed him, or if someone interfered out of fear that he could tell Harry too much. But frankly, leaving *that* to a teenager is unbelievable. These adults are so worried about keeping the kids in the dark that they are actually harming.

As for Augusta, she's not too bad, but she was so hard trying to make Neville into a Frank clone that she did more harm than good, and I'd like someone to take her to task for that. We have seen that Harry's encouragement worked better than everything she did. And she should have reined in Algie.

Anyway, I hope you update soon.

[G. Novella]

Oh good, I felt so bad when I stumbled upon them and realized that someone was reviewing my stuff. At least it hasn't been too long. I mean, I'd probably not notice for another week or so.

Exactly! I should apply for a Beta, but I find trying to work with someone else frustrating, especially when I don't adhere to any form of deadline or timeline with my writing, and I don't want to force someone to except my crazy schedule as there's, or have to wait to get a chapter back because by Beta's unreliable.

Oh I don't think Fudge was getting paid, he's just a stupid little man who likes being in power, and when offered an easy way out of responsibility, he took it. That's going to drive Percy insane don't you worry.

Harry's fun to write, because he's so angry this entire year. And no, not a lot of people will forgive him in the last book. Of they will with time, but they won't trust him the way they do now. And I know exactly how you feel about him, and while we may not agree, I assure you, you'll definitely see a few characters views based off of that discussion.

I have no idea why Sirius never interfered, and both situations seem pretty bad to me. I mean, Sirius never listens to anyone, so to listen now about Harry, who he broke out of hell for, about something that would obviously upset him, makes me a little ticked off to be honest.

As for Augusta, I agree she's not a bad person, but she went around things the wrong way. I have things planned for her too. But it's not too bad because I do think she's admirable in some ways. Algie, well, I don't really think much of his treatment of Neville is mentioned in the last two books, so I have no idea if he'll get any form of retribution or not.

And I just updated the new chapter today. I should have more updates in after this week too.

[Kitty279]

Here one really has to look properly - a bit different from FFN. Have to watch for updates more, too, myself. But I like it here, as we don't have to worry about stories getting deleted overnight without warning and because we can chat on the general board

Well, I'd offer my help, but I could only look out for spelling mistakes and maybe that sort of name switch I noticed already- don't trust my grammar and syntax enough, seeing that English isn't my first language. I *know* I make mistakes. But I can PM you if I notice any mistakes, if you want me to. It's always difficult to find someone to work with, that I learned already, so I understand your problem completely.

Oh, Fudge may not have been directly paid for looking the other way, but you remember all the 'donations to very good causes'? That makes Malfoy the good guy in his eyes, and if that good guy tells him of course Dumbledore and Potter lie about You-Know-Who being back, wouldn't he be eager to accommodate this donator? Even more so if it's what he wants to hear himself?

We may not always agree about things, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy stories where some people are portrayed different than I see them. As long as you don't go and make the Marauders into monsters and Snape the completely good guy who never did any wrong, I'll enjoy a good story. (That's my limit - you know I can't stand the greasy git).

Ok, and now to the review for the next chapter: Occlumency

Do I have to mention that I like it that it are Dean and Daphne who stand up for Sirius? You know I love that man and it's good to see that not only Harry wants to help him.

“Umbridge got married and had toady babies with Fudge!” threw in Fred. *snicker* YES! I always thought they would deserve each other!

Ha, Ron is going to feel so vindicated when Snape kills Dumbledore at the end of HBP (And I will too, seeing how Ron and Hermione refused to believe Harry about Draco all book). And of course I shared the reactions about Snape teaching Harry

Katie's words about saying properly goodbye made me swallow a bit, knowing it was the last time Harry did really see Sirius. Katie was so right

Angelina is so right, someone should have helped Neville and Harry. It's really annoying how the books keep showing abuse and neglect as normal - I so often wanted to kick some of the adults to do their duty!

God, that date with Cho is going to be extra awkward with them both in the room! And it was rather funny how Astoria always wanted to defend her head of house - I guess he treats her much better and she has no idea how unfair he really is to the other houses, and particularly Harry and Neville.

[G. Novella]

I feel the same way. The only problem is six hours of sleep and riveting discussions happen without me.

That would be nice. Even posting the mistakes in the review is fine, then I can go back and edit them.

I never thought of things that way to be honest. Ah, Kitty, you've given me something to think about now! I wonder if I'll throw it in the story...

Snape won't come off as a saint, and neither will the Marauders. I'd rather hate it myself if I portrayed one better than the other, especially in a room filled with people of diverse opinions.He'll have his spotlight moment, and so will each Marauder, but they won't ever be made better than the other.

Dean's character is fun to write. I get the feeling it's really only muggle-borns with any sense of justice in the room sometimes. Purebloods and some half-bloods have wizard logic as I like to call it. As for Daphne, she's even more fun because she's the perfect Slytherin character who's got a ton of motives for everything and a bunch of pureblood pride. It's funny how sometimes two different characters with different views end up with overlapping opinions though, like Sirius's case.

Ron's not done spreading his mistrust of Snape and Harry's smugness over the Draco thing will be kind of mellowed out when Dumbledore is dead. I wanted to write so many more reactions to that particular scene, but I was at 13000 words already, and I wanted to really increase the memory reactions I had previously.

I swallowed too when I wrote Katie's words, especially knowing what comes next.

I ended up having this brain blast of Angelina's parents and her sense of right and wrong and what needs to happen and what doesn't. Needless to say, while everyone else will fight the war with Voldie, she's planning to fight an entirely different war campaign. I ended up thinking since she married George, it must have stemmed from her wanting to psychologically fix him (while fixing herself) and then decided to set her on this campaign, particularly because I can't see Hermione/Ginny/Luna being any good at it.

When writing Astoria, I have to remember she's a third year, and that she's probably on the recieving end of praises from Snape all the time. Plus she's been sheltered from reality quite a bit, so she ends up naive.

As for Cho's date, *snerks* awkward, yes, very. And it's going to be fun writing HBP later on.

[Point Given]

Hey, just caught up with your chapters. Looking forward to more

[dracosfairmaiden]

Just caught up with all your chapters. I like this. I haven't seen a lot that has Astoria and Daphne Greengrass in it. I like how you have Slytherins reading with the DA. Can't wait to read more!

[G. Novella]

Thanks Point Given and Dracosfairmaiden!

As for adding in the Slytherins, I really wanted to explore Astoria's character a little bit more and I just love adding a Slytherin touch to the story.

[G. Novella]

readingthehpbooks.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fightingfuturediscuss&action=display&thread=1145

Here's the link for those interested btw

[curiousat]

I admit that I do like Astoria's character in there. It does sound pretty realistic. After all, it makes sense for Slytherin's to stand up for Snape, especially since they have no idea how he treats other houses just to keep up his "image." And your version of Astoria (not that I've actually read another version) is quite sweet and adorable.

I'm looking forward to more chapters.

[G. Novella]

Writing Astoria is fun, she's so cutesy and adorable. I think all students have a soft spot for their house heads, so Astoria's just filling that role. Her relationship with Daphne's fun to explore as well. And *looks at next chapter* I should have it up tonight or tomorrow. Or monday depending on how much time I get to edit tonight.

[1lyrical]

Interesting story. Can´t wait to read more, because it is a really different taken on the reading the books storyline.

[G. Novella]

Thank you! I just got the first part of the next chapter up. It'll be in three parts, so enjoy.

[Kitty279]

You did a great job in showing how the students try to understand what that outbreak really means - why these Death Eaters are so dangerous and why the adults are so afraid of them. And it's nice to see that they are beginning to see why they need more proper information and all that.

Of course, Percy left me rolling my eyes. For all his intelligence and studying, he's extremely naive, believing that Umbitch would put her duties as Senior Undersecretary actually above her prejudices, not using her position to act on said prejudices. Our dear Percy's in for a very rude awakening.

More soon, please? *puppy dog eyes*

[G. Novella]

Got the second part up.

Thank you! I wanted a quiet reaction, because some of the later stuff gets loud. Not to mention they're still very young. Not even the eldest in the room can really remember what the war was really like, so they'd not really process what was going on.

Percy's reactions are in this chapter. He's going to go through a whirlwind of emotions though, before he can really get through this. The first being anger.

*Caves at eyes, and goes to post second chapter*

[Kitty279]

Thank you! *runs off to read*

Poor little Astoria, she's still so innocent, and this is quite a shock for her.

What amazed me most was Percy, that I admit freely. Who would have thought he'd get so worked up about Umbitch's detentions? He'd have know it was illegal, but that reaction was as surprising as it was satisfactory. Ha, I think his belief that the Ministry is doing the right thing is crashing down around him. This time around he's going to come around much earlier, no doubt.

Really like the way they are encouraging Neville. That's exactly what he needs. And Cho's thoughts on that were interesting.

In the matter of the Occlumency lessons, I am admittedly more with Ron. The way Snape was teaching seemed to leave a lot to be desired to me. And Dumbledore is pretty naive the way he always trusts people to do what he wants them to do *cough*Dursleys*cough*.

The rest is going to be quite awkward with the date and all. Poor Harry and Cho.

As it worked so well after the first part:
More please? *puppy dog eyes*

[G. Novella]

Your welcome, the third bit is up now as well. Your puppy dog eyes are making me melt.

Astoria's so cute. The end of the sixth book will be the hardest for her to hear.

Percy's going to have more reactions, but Percy puts his family first. His anger is more Umbridge-centered than towards the ministry, but that doesn't mean it won't expand

I didn't like Cho's character the first time I wrote this, but now, I want to make her stronger and more developed. I had a bunch of ideas for her that I never did and now have the chance to create for her.

The date was so difficult to write, but it was the longest section, with about 5000+ words. The entire chapter's got about 18000 words, and it's not even an action-packed chapter where the story unfolds 0.o

[Kitty279]

YAY! *makes a note to herself to use these puppy dog eyes more often*

Admittedly, I wasn't a huge fan of Cho, either. And in that date ... I don't know, I understand that she wanted to know, but it was not the right place to talk about Cedric's death. She should do that somewhere private at Hogwarts.

*sigh* That was what I thought - Hermione didn't tell Harry because she knew he wouldn't like her idea. He hates his fame, he hates Skeeter, so she set him up in a way that he couldn't refuse. It's really not fair.

*snicker* Love Oliver and Flint arguing about Quidditch!

Well, I am glad even Cho noticed that her questions were not a good idea. That way she looks much nicer than in the book itself. And at the same time Hermione got a first-hand view of why she should have told Harry about her plans, so he could have explained or planned around it.

Thanks for updating this so fast! Of course I am tempted to end the chapter part the same way as the last two, but as you said you had three parts so far, I'll be a good girl and don't demand more at once.

[dracosfairmaiden]

I love this story. I'm glad you have some of the older kids with them. I'm also glad to see Slytherins in here as well.

I never really liked Cho that much. She was too weepy. I liked the part where she's comparing her actions with Neville. I always felt like she should have done more to handle her grief.

Can't wait for the next update!

[G. Novella]

@kitty- Cho's a character that was often weaker than necessary. I think she and Harry would never work. In some cases, a romance between a widow and the witness of the husband's demise is romantic, but Cho and Harry's case it was just too hard for them. They're just not emotionally mature enough to handle that.

It wasn't fair, but at least Harry got a leg up now. I always wondered if Slytherin wasn't prejudiced, would Hermione end up there? She does tend to be very sneaky, ambitious and can manipulate her friends.

Oliver and Flint are so childish for being the oldest.

I think when you see yourself on tape or as a third person, you get a more dynamic view. Cho's got a nasty shock there, as did Hermione.

I got the fourth part up. That's all for this chapter (thank god!) And I'll start working on the next chapter after a nice long break, (meaning like a day or two)

dracosfairmaiden- I want to have viewpoints from every house and characters that are dynamic and rub each other in different ways. And the older kids are just there to be like adult figures (not really working out though) and have a foot outside of Hogwarts.

Cho's getting a shocker in this chapter, she's really experiencing some of the nastier aspects of how her behavior went wild this year. She's starting to change her mindset and moving on a bit.

Just updated the last bit

[Kitty279]

No, it wasn't a pairing I see working, either, and most definitely not right now. But then, he had to start somewhere, and no one has to get it right and find the partner for life the very first time.

Back at home and now able to read the rest with a better conscience than at work:

That argument between Hermione and Lavender about what was more important for a newspaper, juicy or facts, was fun. Needless to say, I am with Hermione here. This chapter gives me the feeling that Lavender would make a good successor for Skeeter. Doesn't raise my opinion of her.

Yeah, don't mess with Hermione, she can be rather ruthless. Though I admit, I am still not happy about the way she arranged that without asking Harry in the first place. In the end, it was Harry who was punished by Umbitch, too.

But the discussion between the students gave me some things to consider. Yeah, if they could use the Quibbler for more than this one article, maybe it would help. Imagine them telling everyone about the Blood Quill detentions by the Ministry-approved (non-)teacher and the refusal to let them practice, and then expect them to sit their exams, even OWLs and NEWTs, without any practice ... that could be interesting.

Then enjoy your break, and make sure to keep your muse happy for the next chapter!

[G. Novella]

Agreed.

Hermione and Lavender clash quite a bit, but Lavender isn't really Skeeter 2.0, she's just very gossipy, and doesn't take life too seriously. So for her, facts aren't interesting.

Yuppers.

Teehee, that idea is definitely one I'm playing with. I'm just not sure how to execute it without putting Xenophilius in a bad situation and having his family targeted both by the ministry and Death Eaters, we know how bad things went the original time around

My muse is an overworked psychopath who tends to forget what story and language she's working in. It results in us having tireless arguments because she wants me to write at all the inopportune moments, such as during school, and when I settle down to write, she pouts and goes on strike because I ignored her. Or she writes the story that I don't need to work on, and laughs as a story slides into a month long wait for the next chapter.

[Kitty279]

True, you'd have to find a way to protect Xeno. I wonder if he could work with the Marauders and Kingsley and some others to print a different newspaper in secret without the Ministry knowing who did it ... but that would be difficult as well. Though, I wonder ... if Xeno printed the bit about Umbitch, wouldn't the pureblood and halfblood parents who know where to go take Fudge apart? Him targeting the Quibbler would confirm the article. Or at least that is my logic - who knows how wizards think

LOL - your muse is really something! How annoying! Do you think she would behave better if I bribe her with chocolate?

[G. Novella]

Xeno may get a larger role later on, but for now I want to focus on the DA. I do have a newspaper/radio channel plan, but it's got a few kinks still. When the bit about Umbitch gets public though, she's going to have a lot of explaining to do. Especially since I have a plan to get muggle parents in on it as well. And the best part is it won't just be the Quibbler reporting it, so Fudge can't explain it away as useless drivel.

My muse likes chocolate *Muse steals chocolate* Well, the new chapter's up, it would have been sooner, but my laptop screen was flickering.

[dracosfairmaiden]

Great job!

It's nice to see Percy doubting himself about the Ministry's goals. I never liked Percy that much during the series until I was reading some RTB fics. Maybe he joined the Ministry because he felt pressured from Molly. At the same time, I felt like he was the black sheep of the family. It's nice to have a fic that has Percy be so rounded.

Can't wait to see more!

[G. Novella]

So, I really don't know where I'm going to repost, pribably live-journal. For now, just know that I'm nor sure yet, and I'm going to leave a message here in the GE thread, or on FF.net when I figure it out. I'm really sorry that had to happen.