Constructive Criticism

[Serena R. Snape]

I would be really happy if you would give me some constructive criticism on my story. I'm always striving to better my writing and storytelling.

Thanks in advance!

[fino]

Well I think what you made Harry and Neville react toward their first potion class is a bit OOC. Yes, having every one shouting and yelling at Snape has become less interesting, but do you honestly believe what Snape had done did more good than harm to the two boys? If so, I must say I really couldn't agree with that.

I guess you're a Snape lover (through your pen-name and your story of course), so you seem to be softer and gentler (at least compared to other characters) when portraying Snape. But since as long as the story is not concerned about Snape, it tends to become more attractive and convincing, I think maybe you can try to be fair and neutral.

Please don't be offended by this review because, well actually I'm a Sirius lover and can't guarantee I'm fair and neutral myself. Anyway you've done a great job so far. Hope to read more soon!

[yorushka]

I was just wondering, how are you going to explain in OotP that Harry suddenly doesn't know what are thestrals?
Also, I agree with fino about the first potions lesson. All in all, I think that you portray Harry as a bigger know-it-all than Hermione. On the other hand, better than making him be some snotty kid that takes everything too personally as some people make him to be.
As for Snape, I think his change was a bit too fast. I mean, you made him change his mind about Harry in second chapter? While I think that the cupboard matter would shake beliefs of many, I don't think that Snape of all people would change his mind so fast.
Otherwise, I like this story quite a lot, it's nice to read one of this kind of fics which has an author that actually has already heard of grammar