Reviews

[19811945]

Please review.

[RogueNya]

Okay, first off this is actually a good story, I rather like the comments and look forward to finding out what happens in the story.

And so here is a list of the few typos I found, pretty much all of them had to do with a line being Bold when should not be.


From PS: Chapter 1 - The Boy Who Lived

Tom started to mutter, “That’s why I hate muggles, especially those filthy…” He started hissing in pareseltongue in some colorful language, which makes Harry blush, who in turn sent a stinging hex at Tom and said “language Tom, there are children present”, cheekily.

How did Harry do that? He does not have his Wand on him.
And pareseltongue, is Parseltongue.

PS: Chapter 2 - The Vanishing Glass

“Oi, get away from him you piggy”, shouted the twins. Everyone else snorted at that comment.

"Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs.

“Ouch!”

Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor.

The Ouch should not be Bold in this part.

And

As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come… Thanksss, amigo."

“What a polite snake!” stated Harry, smirking.

The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.

“What a polite snake!” stated Harry, smirking. Should not be in Bold either.


PS: Chapter 3 - The Letters From No One

Harry seriously doubted this, but thought it best not to argue.

“Why do you always argue in my class, then Potter?” asks Snape.

“I choose my battles, professor”, states Harry.

Harry's comment here should not be in Bold.


Anyways these are the ones I saw, and thought it would be helpful to point them out to you ^^

But as I said this is a good story and look forward to the next part.

[RogueNya]

Well first off must say that was a great chapter ^^

I enjoyed the comments quite a bit. Look forward to seeing what happens next, but more so later books in regard to what was mentioned at the end of this chapter with the talk with Fudge and Umbridge.

The part with Gringotts next should be quite interesting, wonder what they will find out.


PS: Chapter 4 - The Keeper of Keys

“Not a even a word”, mumbled Tom.

Hagrid stared wildly at Harry.

"Hagrid stared wildly at Harry." should be in Bold.

As soon as he found his voice he said, "Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!"

“Ears”, muttered Harry and poked Remus in the ribs again.

"CAR CRASH!" roared Hagrid, jumping up so angrily that the Dursleys scuttled back to their corner.

"How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter? It's an outrage! A scandal! Harry Potter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!"

“Wish it wasn’t!” muttered Harry. “Everyone in the wizarding world knew my name and what I done, before I even went to Hogwarts. Hagrid had to tell me, and I just turned eleven. I just wished people knew that”. Everyone looked at Harry, not expecting that he didn’t even knew his own story just before Hogwarts.

"But why? What happened?" Harry asked urgently.

“Ears”, muttered Harry and poked Remus in the ribs again.
Needs to be Un-bolded.
and
“Wish it wasn’t!” muttered Harry. “Everyone in the wizarding world knew my name and what I done, before I even went to Hogwarts. Hagrid had to tell me, and I just turned eleven. I just wished people knew that”. Everyone looked at Harry, not expecting that he didn’t even knew his own story just before Hogwarts.
Needs to be Un-bolded.

“Oh thank Merlin that the walrus, horsie and killer whale are out the way”, stated Sirius with relief.

Needs to be Un-bolded.


Anyways once again another great chapter ^^

[RogueNya]

Okay big one here, but before get to that just saying that love what I have read today ^^


Gringott's Visit

First great chapter, a lot of information to think on.

You are the only one I can trust to tell Harry about me when I was growing up. If Petunia had her way, she would call me all the horrible names under the sun and some more. I trust Sirius and Remus to tell Harry about James, but I need you to talk about me to Harry. Please.

Severus couldn’t believe that his love, forgives him after what he called her. Harry was looking at Snape finally figuring out how he knows his mother.

Only one part here "Severus couldn’t believe that his love, forgives him after what he called her. Harry was looking at Snape finally figuring out how he knows his mother." that needs to be edited and that is only to remove the Bold.


The Aftermath

Hmm found no errors here lol *pouts* anyways this was a good chapter, I enjoyed it quite a bit. ^^


Chapter 5 - Diagon Alley

“No he’s not, he is a good friend, and a very good professor, someone needs to learn to listen”, stated Harry, looking at him pointedly.

"He's the gamekeeper," said Harry. He was liking the boy less and less every second.

"Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort of savage — lives in a hut on the school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic, and ends up setting fire to his bed."

The "He's the gamekeeper," line needs to be in Bold.

Everyone in the room looked at Harry, “you can sense that?” asked Tom. Harry nodded. “I didn’t sense that until I was twenty to get some wand upholsters.

Just a typo here in a misspelling of Holster.

It was also a great chapter, look forward to seeing the Talk that Draco gets later for his behavior here hehe and in the future.


PS: Chapter 6 - Platform 9 and 3 Quarters, P1

Hmm no issues in the first part but it was a good read lol some the comments were awesome.

Chapter 6 - Platform 9 and 3 Quarters, P2

*sigh* Big area here needs to be in Bold.

"Heads down!" yelled Hagrid as the first boats reached the cliff; they all bent their heads and the little boats carried them through a curtain of ivy that hid a wide opening in the cliff face.

They were carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking them right underneath the castle, until they reached a kind of underground harbor, where they clambered out onto rocks and pebbles.

"Oy, you there! Is this your toad?" said Hagrid, who was checking the boats as people climbed out of them.

"Trevor!" cried Neville blissfully, holding out his hands.

Then they clambered up a passageway in the rock after Hagrid's lamp, coming out at last onto smooth, damp grass right in the shadow of the castle.

They walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around the huge, oak front door.

"Everyone here? You there, still got yer toad?"

Hagrid raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the castle door.

Beyond that this half was quite good, and nice idea for Draco to ask for help ^^


PS: Chapter 7 - The Sorting Hat

I really liked this chapter and the interactions of the characters, more so of Harry, Tom and Severus.

Discussions and Gringotts again

Is that amount of Potions even healthy? Not to mention would think you would gain an immunity to it at some point.. But look forward to seeing what happens in Nevile's case. Not to mention the rest the Weasley's and who is involved. I can see Arthur, Bill, Charlie as NOT being willingly involved, same with Percy maybe, he is on the fence really i think.

But deffinately that Molly, Ron and Ginny is involved, as for Hermione I do not know, up in the air there but given how one sees her at the start it most likely willing least for the most part...

Either way looks like things are getting very interesting ^^

[rayness]

Hey,

I rather liked your stories. I'm not very big on Weasley, Dumbledore, Granger bashing, but it all seems to work pretty well in your story. Also, if you need a beta, I mean, only if you want to, I can look over your chapters and pm you the edited version, with all grammar and spelling mistakes corrected. Please update soon!

Rayness

[mkatl1]

Love what you got so far.. I love dumbledore being called out as the maliputive old coot he is haha

[heavenslove1516]

i love your story and cant wait to read more please update soon!

[19811945]

Chapter 12 posted on ff.net.

[19811945]

Chapter 13 is posted on ff.net.